Week 8: Uncovering Bidghazi

In wake of today’s controversy, I thought I’d open this edition of the blog with a contrite and empathetic statement, apologizing for any trouble I’d stirred up by placing such an outrageous bid for the services of DeAngelo Williams. I even went as far as to offer a trade of Williams to Tuttle in exchange only for the $50 he originally bid. Unfortunately, that statement was mysteriously deleted from my email account with no chance of recovery.

And because this week’s blog was pushed back a day by complete and utter coincidence, let us examine the steals, deals, and down-right stupid decisions we’ve seen with FAAB through the first nine weeks of the season thus far.

Preseason:

It took exactly 0 weeks for the biggest bargain of the year to be had. At half the cost of what Frazer was willing to pay for Andy ‘Red Rocket’ Dalton to lead his team to mediocrity, Jack was able secure 16 weeks of the #1 quarterback in fantasy. If there’s anything that needs investigating this year, it’s finding out what kind of crack we were all smoking that made everyone but Jack think Tommy Terrific wasn’t worth even a one-single-dollar bid.

Week 3:

While I would have loved if $2 Sam Bradford turned out to be worthy of mention in this post, it really took us until Week 3 to see our next waiver claim of any real consequence. With Le’Veon Bell back from suspension, and fresh off their bi-annual beatdown of the News Team/Fortehands/Cannons, Tuttle’s Boyz were approaching juggernaut status when they added PPR machine Dion Lewis for just over 10% of their FAAB. And in a classic tale of the rich getting richer, the Boyz were able to bring Lewis aboard by dropping the perfectly expendable backup Steelers runningback. Some guys just have all the luck.

Week 4:

In one of the grossest overpays of the year, Will actually placed a claim for Mike Vick to occupy a spot on his roster. His price: $0. Like I said, a gross overpay.

Week 5:

For someone who has pitched such a fit about these waiver auctions, Matt may be one of the few among us who actually knows how to use it. Consider this: over $110 waiver dollars have been spent on the tight end poo-poo platter of Benjamin Watson, Ledarius Green, and Eric Ebron (who alone has been claimed for $20+ not once but twice, despite the fact that his bio clearly states that is employed by the Detroit Lions). Meanwhile, Matt spent a grand total of $12 to gain the rights to the 6th Grownkowski brother separated at birth, Gary Barnidge. Like I said, some guys just have all the Luck.

Week 6:

Team A’s best player suffers a catastrophic, season-ending injury. Truly devastating. Making matters worse, Team A neglected to handcuff said player with the clear-cut and fully competent backup. A real bone-headed move. Fortunately, Team A had ample FAAB remaining, and placed a bid on aforementioned handcuff that should have been more than sufficient. Problem solved! Yet come Wednesday morning, it is revealed Team B has weaseled their way to the top with an odd-totaled wager, narrowly outbidding Team A for the soon-to-be top 20 player. “Shenanigans, Outrage, Mutiny” the league must have cried!

Oh, but that’s right. Nobody had a gahdam thing to say when Thomas emerged as the high-bidder for Charcandrick West. Moving on.

Week 9:

Haney swaps out kicker Steven Hauschka for Mike Nugent, spending zero dollars in the process. A savvy move from the most fiscally responsible, but definitely not Jewish guy I know. We should all aspire to manage our rosters as soundly as Haney has this year.

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